


at last

by sarahshelena



Series: the sestra's souls [3]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, Daemon Feels, Daemon Separation, Daemon Touching, Daemons, F/F, Implied/Referenced Sex, Reunions, Series, Sister/Sister Incest, Timeline What Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:30:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahshelena/pseuds/sarahshelena
Summary: it's been days since sarah kissed helena.they haven't spoken about it.it hasn't happened since.because there's something missing — someone, rather.





	at last

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  **STORY NOTE: THIS AU**
> 
> based on the 'his dark materials' book universe in which people's souls live outside their bodies in the form of an animal that reflects their human's personality.)
> 
> same-sex dæmons are rare, but just to make this AU a little different, and to signify the rarity of clones, all genetic identicals have a dæmon the same gender as the one they themselves were assigned at birth. to simplify: the leda clones have female dæmons and the castor clones have male dæmons.
> 
> **DÆMON FORMS**
> 
> [helena's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159040319668/1-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) akakia (pronounced a-kay-she-aa) is a cape ratel, also known as a honey badger, shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/honey-badger)
> 
> it is arguably the most fearless, ferocious and intelligent animal on earth, one of the most naturally gifted escape artists and is known for eating porcupines and venomous snakes, raiding beehives, kidnapping baby cheetahs and stealing food from lions; I always knew the honey badger was perfect for her.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [sarah's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159042866283/3-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by) atë (pronounced "AH-tay") is a black canadian timber wolf shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/wolf). 
> 
> wolves can be savage and merciless, and they can also be nurturing. sarah is no different. wolves are pack animals. they rarely live or travel alone. sarah is strongest when she has her family, which is why I chose a wolf for her, among many other reasons.
> 
> * * *
> 
> [alison's dæmon](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/159230647923/9-of-o-b-w-i-t-h-d-%C3%A6-m-o-n-s-by), charis (pronounced care-iss — the 'h' is silent) is a nebelung cat shown [here](http://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/tagged/nebelung-cat)
> 
> * * *
> 
> I have made a [playlist](https://sarahshelena.tumblr.com/post/163800032423/half-the-world-away-a-playlist-for-helena-and) for helena and her daemon on spotify  
> 

_“My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak, I call you - are you there? I have returned, I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you, I am with you._

_After long years of long wandering, I have come to you again. Should I tell you everything I have seen, experienced, and drunk in? Or do you not want to hear about all the noise of life and the world? But one thing you must know: the one thing I have learned is that one must live this life._

_Do you still know me? How long the separation lasted! Everything has become so different. And how did I find you? How strange my journey was! What words should I use to tell you on what twisted paths a good star has guided me to you?_

_Give me your hand, my almost forgotten soul. How warm the joy at seeing you again, you long disavowed soul. Life has led me back to you. Let us thank the life I have lived for all the happy and all the sad hours, for every joy, for every sadness._

_My soul, my journey should continue with you. I will wander with you and ascend to my solitude.”_

— C.G. Jung, _The Red Book: Liber Novus_

* * *

In the days following their tearful encounter, Sarah and Helena were keeping their distance from each other, still raw from the intimate experience. Helena could still feel the warm fur of Sarah’s wolf-dæmon against her cheek. It hadn’t been just a kiss, it had profoundly shaken the foundation of their relationship.

They were twins; but still they barely knew each other, save for their genetic connection.

Helena would tiptoe around Sarah, fearful of annoying her, but craving affection. She'd wander around aimlessly, desperate for someone to hold.

Atë would lift her head whenever Helena would creep by, a short inquisitive whine slipping out of her. She’d look to Sarah, who'd cave and call Helena over to sit beside her, unsure of this powerful newly discovered affection, that, through Helena’s loneliness, had led to the clumsy and charged kiss that she could still taste on her lips.

* * *

Helena now slept beside her in Alison’s guest bedroom, clutching a handful of Sarah’s shirt, pulling it off her shoulder when she moved. Her other hand was pressed against her chest; probably, Sarah wondered, to mimic the physical closeness of her dæmon.

Just as she began to drift off, Sarah was jerked out of her reverie when Helena suddenly sat bolt upright in bed, responding to the sound of… scraping. There was someone at the door. Her hand had come loose from Sarah's shirt.

“What’s going on?” Sarah reached out and switched on the lamp. Helena slid out of bed, grinning widely as the doorknob began to rattle ominously.

 _“Moya dusha,”_ she rasped out, and flung open the door, falling over backwards when a mass of grey-black fur and muscle barrelled into her legs, growling so deeply and consistently, it sounding almost like it was purring — it was Helena’s dæmon.

Her mouth falling open in disbelief, Sarah stared over the edge of the bed at the sight. The honey badger was climbing all over Helena, muttering a constant stream of growls and Ukrainian; it was impossible to understand what they were saying to each other, but the way they were embracing made it easy to understand the nature of their relationship.

It was slightly confronting, watching this dæmon, that for all others induced only fear, butting her massive head lovingly against Helena’s chest, formidable claws hooked into her woman's clothes as if she would have to be torn from fabric and flesh before she would let them be separated again. There were tears coursing down Helena’s cheeks, and she was sobbing, _“Myla dusha, moya dusha,”_ over and over again, pressing her face into the coarse black fur, her lips buried in the wide grey stripe that ran along Akakia’s back, kissing and kissing her until Sarah thought she'd never stop.

Alison’s voice suddenly came from the open doorway, “What's going on? The back door was open, and we heard…” she gasped softly at the sight of Helena with her dæmon, and pressed her hand to her chest in awe, her cat-dæmon standing attentively by her ankles. Donnie appeared beside her, blinking sleepily, his red panda dæmon on his shoulder, but he smiled at the sight, Oscar and Gemma peering at Akakia from behind him.

“She is here,” is all Helena said, whispering softly into the dark fur, her tears making it damp.

“We’ll just...leave you guys alone,” Donnie smiled, particularly at Helena, “C’mon honey, kids.” He shuffled them all away and closed the door behind him, leaving a strangely heavy silence hanging between the two women and their souls.

Atë stood from where she'd been lying on the carpet beside the bed and stepped toward the two forms on the floor, craning her neck forward curiously, wondering why the dæmon had returned so abruptly after Sarah and Helena had shared that kiss.

They had not done anything more than hug since then, it had felt wrong without another dæmon there — like kissing a corpse. Helena had been wasting away slowly without Akakia, and the vibrancy that was now present in her was almost like watching Helena as she could have been, if Tomas, the convent and Maggie Chen had never gotten ahold of her. Almost as if nothing had ever severed her dæmon from her…

But they did. And it had.

Akakia lifted her head from Helena's chest and whuffled, sniffing deeply and setting her gaze upon Atë. Her black eyes were unreadable, all you could ever read were her antagonistic expressions, so Sarah was taut as a wire from up on the bed, not knowing what was going to happen next.

Akakia stepped half off Helena’s lap, inching forward to where Atë stood, standing up on her hind legs so she was half as tall as the wolf-dæmon. Helena had taken ahold of the thick fur of the back of her dæmon’s neck and held on tight, watching the exchange with a quiet wariness, unlike the trepidation that Sarah was feeling; her heart was beating so hard and so fast she could feel it against her collarbone.

Just as she was opening her mouth to tell Helena that this didn't seem like a good idea, Akakia had reached out and pulled Atë closer with a heavy paw and fastened her jaws around the ruff of fur at the wolf’s neck, pulling her down to the floor.

“Helena!” Sarah gasped, jumping off the bed, “Helena?”

Her sister had let go of her dæmon, and held a finger to her lips without looking up, her gaze fixed upon the two forms grappling on the floor, “Shhhh...”

Sarah looked down at the two dæmons, fear still rising in her.

The honey badger was growling, true enough, but she had thrown herself down on the carpet against Atë’s belly, wriggling against her and growing playfully; of course, _her_ version of a playful growl was simply terrifying, so Sarah had to trust Helena’s knowledge of her own dæmon — which was difficult, as they were rarely together.

Atë looked slightly perplexed and unsure, but when Akakia snapped at her again, she yipped and snapped back, grinning wolfishly, rolling away and twisting back to bite at the badger’s leg. Akakia screamed hoarsely, sitting up and scratching furiously with a front paw at where Atë had nipped her, glaring fiercely at the wolf-dæmon before shuffling quickly behind her and jumping onto her back, mouthing at her ruff and growling deeply in pleasure.

Sarah stood, thunderstruck, at the foot of the bed, watching.

Helena finally stood and came over to her, stroking her arm, “Everything will be all right now, _sestra_ ,” she told her, taking Sarah's hand, “We sleep now.”

Sarah nodded, remembering how tired she was, “Yeah, sure,” she agreed, getting back into bed, but turning back to Helena as she lay down, “But why is she here? Why is she so…?”

Helena clambered into bed, her hand still in Sarah's, “She felt it. When Atë touched me. And she felt when you kiss me. So she hurried back. She knows now that you love me,” Helena rolled over onto her side, kissed Sarah's hand and laid it against her heart, “And so she trusts you both.”

“Oh,” Sarah could feel Helena’s heart beating on the right ride of her chest, and felt suddenly warm, “Oh...”

 _“Sestra..."_ Helena’s eyes seemed almost black in the darkened room, and on the tip of her tongue a question grew, and almost tumbled out _do you regret it?_

But she couldn't bear the rejection that she was sure would follow; instead she traced Sarah's lips, and murmured, "I want to kiss you.”

“Ye-” Sarah’s voice broke, tears spilling out of her eyes, “Yeah, same here,” she breathed, and fell against her sister, feeling warm lips meet hers and consuming hungrily, desperately, full of love, clutching Sarah’s shirt in her hand again, as if she meant to tear it off.

A large, gangly form suddenly jumped up on the bed, Atë settling down between both their legs. Not long after, a heavy weight yanked on the quilt as two-inch claws scrabbled to find a hold, Akakia eventually pulling herself up and flopping down against Helena, wiggling so she'd fit between Atë’s body and Helena’s legs. She nosed her face into Atë’s fur and slept curled up against the wolf’s belly.

Sarah and Helena didn't sleep for a long while.

**Author's Note:**

> well, that's the end of this series. 
> 
> it took a long time for me to even realise it had to become one. 'amends' just felt too unresolved. so I created something that fit within the series and outside of it that felt real to me. despite sarah's shortcomings and how bad a sister she is, i need helena to be happy and sarah is the only person she can be happy with. 
> 
> please leave a comment. they mean even more than kudos. it really means the world to me to know why you read my fics and why you like them, because I cannot fathom it. thanks anyway and I appreciate you. hope the feeling is returned.
> 
> thank you for reading and your support, anonymous or not, I still love you.


End file.
